Im finaly leaving you daddy.I dont think you have noticed I am going. Dont know if you will notice I have gone.I feel so lonely around you. When you are here!You seem to have gone into a world of your own. No time to talk to me anymore. I run to meet you when you arrive from work, but too tired you cant seem to stand the sight of me.I long to have your love but it is no longer visible. No doubt you would say that you loved me when someone asked. When they start to ask why I left.You wont tell them why I really left. Because you dont want to know.Im shot from the gun of divorce which lingers in my mind and body. Im damaged by the words of a woman who hates me, your new wife.There is no where to turn.But I am leaving anyway.I dont want to leave, if it were a home and I was loved I would stay. Im too young to make it on my own. I will of course. But the strain will be visible through time.You come to see the little room I have rented and all you can say is that you think I will end up in a nut house! Your exact words.Not a great start to life on my own.I will use my stubborness to outwit those last words of yours. They will never come true.You just dont care.
TODAY
I am about to go on retreat, to leave home for a long period.During these times I will go through much purification.When I return I hope to write more. Perhaps it will begin a new chapter in my life.
I hope you the reader will come back. I return in December. Do leave any comments for me and I will answer them on my return.
With love thepianoplayersdaughter.
I wish you all the best, and hope you will find the strength to deal with your past. Do not forget that the people who abused you are sick as well as being cruel, but you are young and can learn your worth by striving to build an identity free of the hatred which was focused on you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can relax enough in your retreat to find the human values that give you self-esteem as a person WITHOUT trying to find an external 'power' that can make things better for you. How you rise above the past will depend partly on how others perceive you, and they will perceive your ACTIONS first, and your inner being after (if at all). Try therefore to engage your obvious intelligence in activity that you respect. I say 'activity' not philosophy, not seeking the 'whys', not pondering the imponderable. Try as soon as possible to offer your energies in helping others through perhaps a charity, so that you receive gratitude and affection directly - real tangible feedback - that will replace the negativity you have experienced. This is not retreating, this is pushing forward, even though a step back may indeed be the wisest first step. Go well, and keep in touch.
Thanks Bob, wise words!
ReplyDeleteWhy did you not go to your mother who desperately wanted you rather than go on your own. You would have been loved and cherished.
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