Leaving home leaving him

Im finaly leaving you daddy.I dont think you have noticed I am going. Dont know if you will notice I have gone.I feel so lonely around you. When you are here!You seem to have gone into a world of your own. No time to talk to me anymore. I run to meet you when you arrive from work, but too tired you cant seem to stand the sight of me.I long to have your love but it is no longer visible. No doubt you would say that you loved me when someone asked. When they start to ask why I left.You wont tell them why I really left. Because you dont want to know.Im shot from the gun of divorce which lingers in my mind and body. Im damaged by the words of a woman who hates me, your new wife.There is no where to turn.But I am leaving anyway.I dont want to leave, if it were a home and I was loved I would stay. Im too young to make it on my own. I will of course. But the strain will be visible through time.You come to see the little room I have rented and all you can say is that you think I will end up in a nut house! Your exact words.Not a great start to life on my own.I will use my stubborness to outwit those last words of yours. They will never come true.You just dont care.
TODAY
I am about to go on retreat, to leave home for a long period.During these times I will go through much purification.When I return I hope to write more. Perhaps it will begin a new chapter in my life.
I hope you the reader will come back. I return in December. Do leave any comments for me and I will answer them on my return.
With love thepianoplayersdaughter.

YouTube - Memoirs of a Geisha--Mad TV

YouTube - Memoirs of a Geisha--Mad TV

The Piano Players Daughter THE END

Dear Daddy

There is so much more I could tell them about you and the loves in my life.But in writing I found what I was looking for all along. You see Im becoming more than 'the piano players daughter'.
I have stepped away from your shadow.Moved away from behind your limelight.
So many are the gifts you left me here in my heart. Like a treasure waiting to be unlocked. I open them one by one.In my genuine heart of sadness I weep for you. In my music and my songs I lament for you.I play alongside you now like I always wanted to do.Because you left the music in me.

I love you

The piano players daughter 7

I now look for you in the men I love and I have found a match. A one who will control me like you did.When he finally creates his wealth he will use it against me. He will forget that I stood by him when it was not his.
He wraps me in jewels and fancy clothes. Made to measure personality to fit the person I am not. I will mould to his needs.He own my weekends with sun and boats and fancy cars. But by week he hides me from the men that make money with him.He is ashamed of me. No longer fitting into what he had made me.No longer fitting into his new rich life. I become dowtrodden and down. I can not move but be condemned for my thoughts my dress and my friends, which he disintegrates one by one.

I didnt see you return daddy,in him, until it was too late. I would pay for the hurt and betrayal to you. Just as then I paid for my own mothers betrayal. Without her near I became the the evil one.
I write you on paper in a thousand notes. Play you in a thousand rooms.

But the new, him,has taken my whole being and I have become the emptied shell of a nut kernel. Eaten and left.To late so that my being collapses under the hollow shell of my empty legs and body.I had to leave you. But this time for good.The next time will be different I say.
Did you ever love me?Did he ever love me?

The piano players daughter 6

You were gone but still you were here

I re-invented you in a chain of lovers.

So that I could have you by me

to tell me how to be.

Autonomy?



We met slowly he and I. It was a steady meeting as friends.But slowly like a sand timer we fell into step. At first I did not see you in him. Until it was too late and my person had been stolen and locked in a cupboard. It took time for you to appear. But appear you did. If I had never left him he may not have turned into you. I left to free myself. I put an ocean between us. But his tentacles could reach even to there. Flattered at his still wanting me I returned to him, to you.
Only then did you appear. Too late, I am lost behind guilt. A mistake that can not be undone. Slowly I dissapeared from sight and sound and me.

The piano players daughter 5

The day you left me is etched on my mind, no stuck in my mind like an axe. The phone your voice. Thud. You are gone. I will never hear your voice nor the sound of your eyes as they guide me to be who you want. Never hear the apartment filled with your symphonies.
You finally left me just like I knew you would. But then you were never realy here. You were allways with her.
I used to talk to you in my mind when you first went. Just like I always did. But now I am silent again.

I still hear your music drifting
out of a passing cafe.
Ssometimes I see you on a walkway
Goodbye daddy

The piano players daughter 4

Golden golden days. You are golden I am golden. The sun. My body on the warm sand. What joy.A whole day spent with you. You can not escape to your real love you are mine for a whole day. Take me to the edge of the sea where the warm foamy water tickles my toes and wet sand stays on my feet like a shoe.I love you. Cant you see. Give it to me give me your love.

He is gone to another shore in his mind.

Why didnt you teach me the piano? My hands were made to love it. Each key is me. When you play each sound is in my head. But the piano is yours alone, as is its mystery. I can not make it be my slave like you can.

I cant play the flight of the bumble bee.
But you can play it for me

Today will soon be over and she will lure you again.I will be forgotten to the bottom of the pile like yesterdays music sheet. I wish these golden days would last.